Happy Fathers Day for this Sunday
Last week we began a discussion about being a father first and then a business owner. As we lead up toward Father’s Day, I would like to press into this for one more week. Thanks to everyone who has sent feedback from last week. It is a challenging juggle feeling the responsibility of being the patriarch of your family and business.
So what is a dad? These gems of wisdom are from an old “Father’s day” card.
The definition of a dad - n. Big Kid - cleverly disguised as an adult. The hunter and gatherer and official bug squisher. Joke teller, official barbequer and formal fixer-upper. The passer-on on great wisdom through “Dad Jokes” like when asked on a trip, “where are we Dad” the response would be “in the car”. Just before we pass the cemetery and remind our kids this is the “dead centre of town and the most popular place around; because everyone is just dying to get there!” Your son cringes and then when he has his own children one day, he will roll out this gem of wisdom and the tradition continues.
This person officially deserves a day off at least once a year to be honoured!
Several years ago I wrote a short book called “18 Decisions”. I am in the process of revising it now for it to be ready to be released later this year. It was inspired by a single mum whose son had just turned 18 and had no relationship with his dad and was now legally responsible for his own life. She asked me, “How can I encourage him to be a man?” The premise of the book is that “It takes 18 years to become an adult but 18 decisions to become a man.”
Several of the topics in this book talk about what will be required of us when we become a father. My birth father took off when I was two leaving my mum to care for four kids on her own. She remarried when I was nearly 8. My stepfather had great motives but inheriting four kids and then very quickly adding two more meant life was a bit overwhelming for him. He became a workaholic and was rarely at home and mostly stressed when he was. I left home at 17 and within a few years, the rest of the first four were also gone. This allowed dad to really just be a parent to two kids which suited him better. I lost contact and connection with my dad for nearly 15 years as we hardly ever spoke except if we caught up at Christmas.
Stress is a major factor in family breakdown. Accumulated stress factors come into your life uninvited and unwanted but regardless they find their way into your family. If unchecked, your stress can be the deciding factor in how you treat others. So, when stress is the background of your emotions, the foreground is littered with the carnage of anger, frustration, criticism, harshness, impatience and broken relationships.
So what is the antidote? You need to take time out to sit on your ARSE. Yes, that's right, you need to be “Accumulating, Rest, Strength and Energy” back into your life deliberately to counter the accumulated stress.
You need time to sit on your “R’s”.
Rest, Relax, Read, Run, Replenish, Reinvigorate, Reflect, Renew, Redesign, Re-establish, Reconnect, Reinvite, Reassure, Reinforce, Redo, Reconsider, Realign, Rebirth, Review, Reinvent, Refresh, Retain, Respect, Regain, Reframe, Recover, Restore a Relationship or just simply Runaway [add your own R’s…].
Some ideas that can help with motivation and restoring your internal drive are:
- Reading inspirational books, teaching books and biographies.
- Watching inspirational movies, documentaries, and TED talks.
- Listening to podcasts, comedy, specific training and speakers relevant to current problems.
- Counselling, coaching, mentoring, peer group support, social groups, challenges, accountability.
- Diet, exercise, sleep, rest, hobbies, interests, walking, swimming, surfing, walking on a beach or out in the bush, a sport of any kind and mixing with certain people who bring encouragement or inspiration to you.
Remember, if something isn’t working, try something else, don’t give up!
Transformation happens in proximity!
So, always stay close to what it is that transforms you.
Regularly recharge your battery and you will be ready for work.
My dietitian asked me once, “Your job is very stressful. Do you take something for stress?” I responded “Yes. I take the jet ski out, and I take myself off on a camping weekend or away up to our holiday house. I go for a walk in the bush or along a beach.”
If you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed in your patriarchal roles of family and business take something for it and Planalife you want to live in through a Business on Purpose. Time out is not wasted time; it is replenishing and restoring. It is like Stephen Covey would remind us, “Sharpening the Saw”
If you are having difficulty and would like someone to talk with about this, please call so we can discuss how you can uniquely plan your life. Don’t envy others plan your life to be one you love living in; fulfilled, excited, happy and in harmony in your personal and professional life. You are not living to work, you are working to live.
This role you have to shape your children’s life is like the morning fog. It disappears very quickly. It is a gift we have, not a chore we endure. The family that plays together stays together. Invest time into play, rest, relationships and renewal you won't regret that.
Have a great week and a wonderful Father’s day… Ian
At PLANALIFE we help people navigate the integration of a Business and Life plan that will dovetail with marriage and family to help our clients find the very best from a balanced life.
To achieve this, we have one focus; to see the whole person arrive where they want to be by discovering how they can proactively plan their life.
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