Relationships are really difficult when both people are in love with the same person!
What are you giving into your relationship? It is quite easy to figure out what you want or need from a relationship, but how good are you at identifying what it is you need to give into a relationship? I once read a quote that said “when I said I do, I didn’t mean the laundry!”. We have a sign in our house that says “I only have a kitchen because it came with the house”.
“Putting in” to a relationship is not often the first thought people have when they enter a relationship. When we first meet, our assessments of whether this may be a worthy relationship to pursue normally focus on common interests, common paradigms, common beliefs, ease of communication, the ability to be able to listen and speak or you feel like there is some engagement in your communication.
In the beginning, both people have their best behaviour mask on and both have the desire to impress the other person.
The longer a relationship continues, the more we move closer to the two becoming one. More often than not, the one the two become is the one who is more influential or more dominant. The identity of the more passive player in the relationship can be lost in the shadow of the dominant player.
The best one the two become is found in blending the best of both of who you are and allowing someone else's strength to become your strength, by having them walk with you not as a crutch, but as a boost.
When opposites attract and then attack, the best of both of you is lost in a compromise that is a blend of the lowest common denominators.
So what can you do to keep the best of both of you alive and kicking?
- Appreciate and acknowledge differences
- Look for someone who compliments your strengths and struggles
- Don’t try to be all things to all people, be significant for one person
- Know your measure and don't overpromise and underdeliver
- Raise your budget and skills to meet your dreams don't lower both to meet your budget
Planning a life you want to live and being in a complimentary partnership to achieve it, is loving living life and it is possibly not just idealism.
Part of my coaching is with couples. Marriage counselling may be beneficial for a lot of people, but counselling helps you understand “why you are where you are today”. Marriage coaching is about planning forward from where you are today into a future, strategically designed and planned. You need to still be focused and flexible, but now you are “on purpose” and you are really going somewhere you want to be.
For most people, the problem is not that they aim too high and miss their goals and dreams, it is they aim far too low and achieve them; when so much more could have been achieved. Focus was the only real problem they set their goals with too little faith in mind. Focus became peripheral and peripheral became focus.
If this resonates with you, I would love to chat and help you Planalife you want to live in, so you and love living life.
Take out your ATTAIN, ACTION and ACQUIRE list and start dreaming again.
As individuals what is it you want to do?
As a couple, what is it you want to do?
What would you be aiming for if there were no barriers in your way?
What are you going to do today that your future self will thank you for?
Something changes when something changes.
What is the first something you need to change?
A good idea remains just that until it has a strategy attached to it. The difference between a rut and a grave is two feet. Get your feet out of the rut and back in the direction towards where you want to find yourself
If you have never completed a “Prepare/Enrich Profile” It might be time. The profile runs an exray through your relationship and allows some couples to understand their relationship for the very first time.
If you want to know more please let me know. I am a Certified Behavioural Analyst and I really enjoy taking a person on a DISCovery tour of themself inside their relationship and helping couples understand how to get the best from their relationship through investment and dividends, in order for them to be able to live more excited in their world and enjoy the difference of doing life with others.
Remember to Planalife you want to live in, but take the time to listen and learn from others so you can have a full spectrum view of life.
Have a great week… Ian
At PLANALIFE we help people navigate the integration of a Business and Life plan that will dovetail with marriage and family to help our clients find the very best from a balanced life.
To achieve this, we have one focus; to see the whole person arrive where they want to be by discovering how they can proactively plan their life.
- Business owner/manager Coaching
- Executive Coaching
- Key Person Coaching
- Proactive Life Planning
- Seminars, on line training and webinars.
- Strategic Planning days
- Short Courses